Sunday, January 27, 2013

Writing during an Emotional Upheaval

When I'm sad, it doesn't feel like an everyday sadness. I consider every little thing I do and whether it's worth getting up for. Even going to the bathroom. I feel like I'm going into debt by spending the effort it takes to do anything. I want to sink deep inside my mind, beneath the surface, and never come back up again.

I withdraw from everyone, including myself. Writing during these periods is a painful process. I don't like expending the mental energy and struggling through a story when standing does me in. I'm getting better at it, though--controlling my emotions and writing through intense negative emotions. Not writing becomes too easy, and I need to take away all of my excuses.

So I've stopped saying, "I don't feel like it" or "Ugh, I can't concentrate on that right now." That doesn't make much sense because the alternative is to continue to feel bad or to dwell on feeling bad. Writing gets me out of my skin and into someone else, a character who will soon be going through an ordeal much worse than mine. *wink wink*

Writing is a part of my life now, and just like my family, God, and exercise, I can't push it aside whenever I'm feeling down. I need to let it use me so that I can think on things outside of myself. Then I'll find myself feeling not so bad after all.

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